I thought things have been going alright between my father and me. I don’t mean that we started to talk so much and spent a lot of time together under rainbows and flowers and unicorns. He didn’t pick on me, and I just kept my head low and did my things. Well, there was a reason things were going too well, because he picked on me. Again. For nothing.
Few days ago, I ordered a gadget which I’ve used back in the States. My father wondered what it is, so I handed him the manual.
Father: well, if you want me to read it, you’ll have to turn on the lights and get me my glasses.
So I rise from my chair to do them. Then he said it’s not necessary, he was only joking, and I take everything too seriously.
My reaction? What the fuck.
If someone handed you a manual, you can surely get your glasses and turn on the lights on yourself. It’s not that difficult.
Earlier on that day, he said my amount of studying is nothing compared to what he did back in high school and college, and how he studied until he nosebleed. Guess what. You were in your own country, your mom doing all your laundry and getting your meal. You just had to study, not to worry about paying the bill on due date, tax filing, location of Korean supermarket and how to manage your movement for weekend shopping so you can do grocery shopping AND still work on your 40 pg paper, and most importantly, constantly worrying about your language skills, because you were studying in your first language. And you just nosebleed a lot: doctor said you just have weak blood veins in nose.
Today, I was busting my butt off for working on some of the last sections of my online course (I am getting tired of this. Urgh). It was near dinner time, so I called my mom’s cell to check where she is about. No answer. Maybe she’s back at home. So I called home. Father answered.
I: Is mom there yet?
Father: No, she’s not here yet. I’ll call her.
I: No, that’s fine. I called her a minute ago and she’s not answering.
Father: Okay I’ll call her.
…Did he not hear me? Nevertheless, I said I’ll be back. On the way back, I had a bad craving for Garden Fresh Pizza from Papa John’s, so I dropped by to pick it up. I made it back to home, with deliciously smelling fresh-cooked pizza (note: my father doesn’t like “healthy” “vegetable” stuff. He doesn’t even try it, or try to). I said hello to him, sat down and munched down my pizza. Then he found me with my pizza.
Father: Is that your dinner?
Father: Then why didn’t you call me? I’ve been waiting so we can eat together. What you did is rude.
I was dumbfounded. Rude? If he is the kind of guy who just can’t eat alone, I’d knew it. But he is man who can set his own table and eat alone (note2: as a Korean man, he deserves credit for this one). If I remember correctly, there was no mention of anything like “let’s eat together” or “I’ll wait.” To be honest, I’d rather drink a cup of milk for my dinner instead of having 5-star French course meal with my father only.
But, what can I say as a powerless daughter of Korean family. I just said “yes, yes, my fault, sorry about it.” So I ate my yummy pizza and he had his dinner in the kitchen.
After he finished eating, then he started picking on me again. That:
– It is so ludicrous that I didn’t even call that I’ll just have my pizza for dinner while he is waiting for me.
* My answer: you didn’t say anything about it. How the hell would I figure that out? I’m no mind reader.
– Are you ignoring me? You don’t feel any weight around me?
* My answer: no, more like I want to minimize my contact with you, because I don’t feel like developing a good relationship with someone who can’t put his/her feet to others’ shoes and doesn’t give any single credit to others who are different from yourself. So I guess my answer to your 2nd question is yes…?
Then he AGAIN complained how I don’t ever greet him in the morning or evening.
*My answer: AGAIN, I have my agenda to run, and my way of getting things done. You didn’t really call me anyway like other fathers back in my school. I didn’t complain. You are complaining. If you are grown up, you really should not expect others to do it for you.
Of course I didn’t say any of my answers out loud. I just say yeah, yeah, sorry *munch my pizza*.
He still wants to be babysitted. He doesn’t understand other family members have their own life and their own things to do, and not everyone will be just sitting there, waiting for him. He doesn’t think that there are different ways of doing things done; and he thinks it’s bad because it’s nothing like his way.
Unless he approves that there are different ways, and accepts that his daughter grew up in a very different culture/surrounding from his, there will be no improvement. That’s the minimum starting point. But now I really don’t hope for anything.
He is a constant reminder of why I don’t like Korean-Korean guys and never consider them as a potential partner.