LSAT and so on

I finally finished climbing the toughest hill – LSAT, and now working my butt off on all that optional essays and personal statements.  Yes, I feel far much more relaxed than working on LSAT, but it still feels like there is another stone  hanging on my neck.  But, comparing that to my LSAT studying, I really can’t complain.  There’s a short story written by Haruki Murakami – all of sudden, a small middle-aged woman pops up out of nowhere, and just stick herself to the main character wherever he goes.  I feel for the main character.

Three days before the October LSAT, I took prepatory tests, using the three most recent tests.  I did really well – in fact, far better than I expected.  So I was in a good mood.  Maybe it’s because that bread incident that my dad still pests me about, but the result wasn’t good.  In fact, it was far lower than my most recent prepatory tests.  I still think I deserved a bit better score.  I cried my eyes out after I got my scores  – it is upsetting when you really tried hard but get crappy result.  But then, it isn’t my first time and life isn’t fair.  There’s nothing I can do anyway at this point except applying.  I’ve used up my test limits, and I already took a good one year off, devoting everything for the test.

On a positive side, the test was tough.  Actually they set a record for score curve.  LSAT is getting more difficult.  There are schools that weight your undergrad GPA, and I am glad I graduated from university with great national reputation.  Thanks to the economic downturn, I heard that schools give more credit to those who have work experience.  I do have one.  And I will be categorized “international student,” though it feels weird to me.  But as long as my passport stays as Republic of Korea, I will be one, and it doesn’t hurt for application process.  And I’ve been working on my personal statement for a while, so unlike many others, I really don’t have to hustle.  So all I need is to marry off with some American guy and get a green card. Hell yeah. (JK)

Meanwhile, my ex – an US military officer – visited me.  It was surprising.  Since breakup, we didn’t contact each other for about good 2-3 years.  Then out of blue, he contacted me about 2 years ago, saying he will be deployed to Iraq soon, and he wanted to apologize me for unable to handle the situation better.  I accepted it.  Then another 2 years passed.  He e-mailed me, saying he’s temporarily stationed in Dongducheon, got a few days of vacation and would like to spend some time with me.  Sure, why not.  To me, he was distant friend at best.  I expected things to be cool.

Maybe it’s me who is overreacting, but things weren’t so cool.  He said how it is good to see me again.  Alright.  Despite my objection, he insisted on paying for everything.  I did not like this, since I really didn’t want this to be like a date.  He kept checking on me, sometimes just looking at me.  I guess he has some feeling left for me.  Or maybe it’s just because he didn’t get to see many civilian girls.  Or maybe it’s because he went to Afghanistan and Iraq, blowing stuff up.  He is a gentle, caring person.  But I really don’t want to get back into whole romantic relationship thing with him again, unless he is better at handing a relationship with woman and out of military.

Besides, having a conversation with him was a tad bit boring.  When I reunite with a friend, I want to know what changes were there in his/her life.  His stories were pretty much same, since his life revolves around military base.  I don’t know I will send him a Christmas card.  If we were casual friends, I’d sent it.  I still feel bad for him, since he is away from his family, pretty much all alone, and doesn’t get to see his family (I know it can be hard.  Trust me.  CCK with boarding school experience).  But we didn’t start from “casual friends.”  I don’t want to give him any wrong signs, and I really don’t want another headache.  I don’t know.

Too old to be socialy awkward

I had my first LSAT exam today.  I knew it would be hard, and I had planned to cancel the score for my first exam.  I took it for a kind of “practice.”  Holy moly, it was so much harder and more tiring than I thought.  Game was nearly impossible, reading was harder than I thought.  If I hadn’t plan to cancel my score, you definitely would have seen a lady who climbed one of many bridges of Han River tonight, wearing her bra inside out, screaming that she’s going to jump from the bridge and kill herself on your 9 o’clock news.  I wouldn’t say too much about how was it, because I’ll end up using not-very-clean language a lot.  If you still want to see it, drag from here: it was like a giant big turdbomb smudged on my face.  A total f**kbomb. There, I warned you.  On the bright sight, however, my timing on logic wasn’t bad.  There are questions I couldn’t look at, but I think my timing definetely improved.  And my plans for all the small things – attire, things to bring, etc – was pretty much correct.  The exam site was actually better than my study library.   I am very glad to bring a small bottle of Eucalyptus oil and a bag of espresso bean chocolate.  That woke me up (maybe I need to eat more of them, or with cans of Red Bull).  Anyway…it was the hardest exam I’ve ever done, and I’m worried.  I really might jump off the bridge if I screw my next exam too.

There were lots of non-Korean people for the exam, too.  Which was surprising.  I had to contain myself from randomly joining their conversation.  I’d like to thank my friend for sending a cheer-up text.

Anyway.  The strange thing happened after the exam.  With numerous people who took LSAT and babbling about the questions (too late, people, too late) I headed down to the first floor, completely burnt out.  As I grabbed my bag, and digging dip into my bag for cell phone, a random Korean girl talked to me (all conversations here are in Korean):

“Are you XX? Wait, was it XY?”

It was similar with my name, but whatever-she-called-me was a very common girl’s name in South Korea.  Besides, I couldn’t tell who she was.  How can you?  The girl had a thick makeup, with 2 smokey eyelines with 2 different colors (kudos to her – how can someone manage to have that much of makeup on the day of early exam where you have to get up around 6:15 am?).  And, given the popularity and level of Korean plastic surgery, I won’t be surprised if she had some nip here and tuck there.  If that is true, I would definetely have a hard time figuring who she is.  So, wrong name, unrecognizable face.  Obviously the chance is I don’t know her, and she probably made a mistake.  In addition, I was exhausted.

“Er, no, I think you recognized me as a wrong person.”
“Oh, um, did you not go Notre Dame?”
“I did indeed…?”
“Do you not know me?”
“Now leave me alone pervert I’m tired No?”
“Well what year did you graduate?”
“08? Why the hell are you asking?  And who the hell are you?“
“I graduated on the same year too?  Do you not know me?”

If I had more vigor, I might have been meaner but I was too tired to be mean.  I just said “No, really, sorry” with awkward smile and stepped out.  Of course, she never identified who she is.

Social Awkwardness Excuse Card - if you can't do it, at least try, like carrying this card

Maybe I’m just really cranky at the moment because of all that pressure and stress I had to go through.  But if I was in her position, I would’ve just said something like: “Excuse me, but but I think I know you, although I don’t really remember your name – are you Notre Dame graduate?  I think I ‘ve seen you around the campus a lot.  My name is Ceberus, do you remember me by any chance?” Or just don’t bother at all.  First, she never identified herself.  Not very nice.  Second, if you don’t remember a person’s name and can’t manage to say you don’t remember his/her name straight, maybe it’s better to not say hi at all, unless you are terribly friend-deprived.  It’s not hard to say that straight away, and even in Korean context, it is considered more polite to say it straight away.  The chance is, she is probably older than I am.  Shouldn’t she know better?  Wait, but I’ve seen a lot of older people who are epic failures in terms of social etiquettes and politeness.  Common sense is not common – I should know better.

I still don’t know who she is, but I have one good guess.  Let’s just call her Myrtle here, and she did something very rude to me.  If she was Myrtle, I would’ve denied my knowledge of her (with all of my heart, get lost!).  I was a covert operation hermit-geek back in college.  One evening, as I chow down my dinner in hurry (I had a laundry to dry and lots of assignments), Myrtle randomly sat on my table and said hi.  It was unusual, because she never did that before.  She insisted that I should move over to table over there, saying there are many Korean students.  Oh yes, I know the routine: since I am Korean, I have to seat and eat dinner with Koreans, no matter how packed my schedule is, or how I’d rather sit with my friends.  But by then, I knew it is better to say yes and sit with them, at least once in a while, so I can avoid making any enemies.  So I did.  I said hello.  Obviously I expected Myrtle to help with greeting and introduction, since she was the one who invited me and knew the Koreans there better than myself.  She didn’t.  I was baffled, but not too surprised.  For some reason, Koreans don’t do this.  You are obliged to come since you are Korean, but the host Korean believes they are not obliged for a smooth mix-up and greeting (and I’m being sarcastic here).  So I decided to just do it by myself.  I kept throwing that questions – what major are you, when did you come, oh such-and-such class is it fun? – but the conversation is just not connected.  I wasn’t that interested anyway.  Meanwhile, my dinner plate was emptied and I really had to go back now.  No more reason to stay.  So I courteously said I have to leave now, and it was nice meeting with all of them.  Then all of sudden, with a big smile, Myrtle said,

“Awkward, isn’t it?  See, that’s why you should join us more.”

Yeah, like you always invited, or tried to take care of me.  What a nice thing to say.  Besides, I was unwilling – isn’t she the one who insisted?  I was too busy to do my job, and she was just not that important.  I just said “Ha!” and left.  If that girl really was Myrtle, then I’d say she has a quiet thick face, if not an utter idiot.  Later I told the story to my dear fellow Korean friend, Soojin.  Soojin said “That’s just the way Myrtle is.  She’s always jealous of people who are hermit-ish and capable by themselves.  She can’t hold back her temper, and most importantly, her mouth is not connected with her brain.  Don’t take it too serious.  I think she’s just baffled because you never join their little club yet doing well.”

Either way, it is even more wearing to deal with someone who is socially awkward, especially after when you are completely burnt out.  Why is common sense not common?  Jeeves, get me some Mint Julep.  I’m tired…wait I don’t have Jeeves.  Don’t they sell Jeeves on Ebay?  I wish they do.