The well-known life coaching book, Secret. Paulo Coelho’s novel, The Alchemist. What do they have in common?
All these two books say: whatever you wish, dream on, be positive and keep up with your effort. Everything on this world is on your side, and your wish will come true.
I like it, and to some extent I believe it. But there are some period – let it be day, weekend, week, or month – making you wonder that God hates you for sure and the entire world is against you. It’s one of those days. You wake up, open up your fridge to make a delicious scrambled egg, only to find that all of your eggs are expired. Holy snap, but I’ve already defrosted my bacon and potatoes! So you head off to local supermarket, but the traffic is bad. And then you find the supermarket is not open today. you shrug, turn back, and then now someone has crashed your car window and took your car audio away. You are hungry, wasted your time and gas, and got something stolen. You wonder – what the fuck is wrong? Did I do something wrong? Why, oh why, does God hate me? I’m sure he hates me! Maybe because I didn’t go to the mass last weekend? Yeah, one of those days. Know what I mean?
To me, half of this week was it. As of the end of January, I finished my work from the office I kept ranting talking about on this blog. I did not want to be a lazy hikikomori bum, and now several plans on my mind, I was so ready to get on the new days.
Day 1. Internet breakdown.
I thought this is a perfect time to write an e-mail to my dear friends. So I turned on my modem and computer. Well, something’s wrong . I could not even connect to Google. Maybe my computer failed to recognize the connection? I tried reboot. Nope, still doesn’t work. Alright, maybe the cable was loose? I checked it, rebooted. Nothing. Okay, maybe it’s IP communication problem. I’ll just turn off the modem, wait a bit and reboot. Still, nothing. So I tried turning off the modem and my computer. No connection. Finally I picked up the phone and called the customer service. After doing exactly what I was doing for hours, the representative said they will send the maintenance technician on the next day evening. I knew my mom would be at home, so I said okay. Turned out, my mom had some last-minute plan change and she would be away. Great. It turned out the main cable of our apartment town had a major problem, so instead of sending 300 technicians to each household, they repaired that one main cable. Next day, the internet was back. But I failed to write e-mails as I planned.
Day 2. PC Crashdown.
I turned on my computer, wrote all that e-mails I planned. One last thing – I tried to install the Korean version of Microsoft Office, so I can review what I learned from my evening MS office class on that day. Installed the Korean version, and deleted the English version, which was originally installed on the computer. For some reason, the applications started to go crazy. Whenever I open one excel file, I would get multiple Excel windows throwing Korean and English ribbon menu. What the heck? So I tried pretty much everything. Tried windows uninstaller released from Microsoft’s official website, direct erasing from explorer, and lastly, touching up the hard drive registry by myself. Nothing worked. After 2 hours of researching and trying, I was very annoyed. Computer, it’s either me or you dying tonight. I’ll just say I ended up formatting my hard drive and re-installing the entire window, not to mention re-installing of all that drivers, downloading/installing all of my programs, and adjusting settings. I won, but I went to bed at 4: 30 am, only to wake up on 9:00 am. Because if you sleep too much, it messes up your sleep cycle.
Day 3. Sleep Deprivation.
It was one of the better days. Despite severe sleep deprivation, I managed to catch up with Brian, drinking coffee. I’m usually a tea drinker. If there is time for me to drink coffee, that was my final exam period in college. So if I am drinking coffee, that means I am so goddamn frigging tired, probably able to hurt someone if I am further annoyed. I still pulled myself to the evening MS office class. But really, for the whole day I was just out of my mind. How can you be, if you had only 4.5 hours of sleep? If this day was minus Brian, I would’ve gone crazy.
Day 4. Cancel, cancel, cancel.
I got up early and went to Yoga studio, so I can make up last day’s missing workout. The door was locked – it was their weekend off. So I had no choice but to walk all the way back to home. I and two other pals, who studied Japanese in college and still passionate about using it, planned to go to this Japanese-Korean language exchange community’s weekend social. I was excited. As soon as I finished putting powder on my face, one of the friend called me, saying she can’t make it tonight. I am not mad at her – her reason was totally understandable. But there I was, feeling a dark shadow looming over my supposed-to-be wonderful Saturday night. So I checked with another friend. He was not fully recovered from his bad sore throat. What can I do, except pushing it to next week? By that time I was halfway dressed, so I was back to my pj in 10 minutes.
Then my mom called me, for a dinner out. Great, my facial powder will do justice. I was back dressing up, completing my makeup and all ready to go out. 10 minutes later, she called: “Oh my, the traffic is really, really bad. There’s no way I’m going out for dinner.” So again, I was back in my pj, with makeup only to be cleansed within 30 minutes.
In sum, I spent about half of this week doing nothing, despite of my willingness. I absolutely hate it when I am done with planning and also physically/mentally ready to turn on the engine, but everything doesn’t work out and you are forced to turn yourself off. Then, usually, when you just want to sit back and relax, everything forces you to go on. For the times like this, even the most religious one can’t help asking: “God, why do you hate me so much?” or at least “God where are you? What are you doing up there?” Well, if you are too busy, you don’t even have a chance to ask. It’s uncanny how I wanted to relax a bit for this coming week, but now I have more meetings than this week so I am unlikely to relax, at least for the first half of the week.
Well, well, one of those weeks…I’ll just cross my fingers and hope next week to be a better one. To be honest, there were some good stuff this week – like delicious dumplings and ramen for dinner.