As a student who is slightly older than the average, the stress from law school isn’t only from the workload, psychotic professors and oh-so-breached system (which is a lot like Korean public education). Social dynamic is one of them. It’s not about me being a CCK or the only Asian person or the only international student in the lot. So many people here don’t have any work experience, and their life and social interaction are limited to the school they are attending.
The school population is pretty small. I see almost every one of them every single day. There’s not much to talk about. I don’t necessarily want to see them even in the weekends. When asked, “hey, how was your weekend?” all they did was either work or drinking with yet another classmate. I never enjoyed hardcore drinking even in college, and I don’t like drinking with people I don’t know well. So, so far, I spent my weekends with my college alumni club, a friend living nearby with two kids, and another friend who is working nearby, happy with his partner for 10 years. At week 4, people started to talk about who dressed trashy and who is sleeping with whom. Not my thing since high school, especially so if you are well over mid 20.
Today, a great exemplary event has occurred. Ken, a Korean-American classmate of mine, sits next to me. He’s nice, but he is still pretty
immature young – never serious, talks a lot, somewhat careless. I never went out with him for a meal or drink, but I tried to keep things friendly.
So today, as I sit down, take books out and getting ready for the class, he started talking.
Ken: Yo, I went out with this Chinese kid, and he thinks you are Ajumma. We were talking about you, and he was like “yeah I think she is Ajumma. She looks like one.”
For those of you who doesn’t know what Ajumma means, here’s the link. It’s not the most flattering word. I can’t say I was in the best mood after hearing this, but honestly I really don’t care what these kids do or say. I replied, “well, I’m older than most of you guys anyway.”
Then Ken said, “see, that’s why you have to come out and hang out with us more often.”
Oh wait…I think I’ve been in this situation. Back in the college, a b*tch in Korean students community did pretty much same thing. The difference is, she meant bad. Ken just doesn’t know better. Oh lord, forgive this naiveté. There’s a reason why you should not pass bad words, because it gets you in trouble, not the person who said it.
And, if you want to make someone to hang out with you, you should keep passing positive things, not “hey, so-and-so said you are like a pot dealer. That’s why you should come out more.” It should be more of trying to please the person – “hey, come on, it’s gonna be fun. I know you like video games, we’ll play Wii.” I wasn’t mad at Ken – but my frustration with these “young kids” was let loose.
Me: Well, why do you pass such words to me? They aren’t necessarily good words. Why make troubles?
Ken: No, no, it was just that, nothing more than that.
And then he started to think I’m mad at him. He messaged me how he is sorry. Well, that’s not the point, is it? So I replied again:
You don’t have to be sorry because it’s not your fault. It’s just that if you expect someone to hang out with you, you guys should think twice and not pass the words, or talk things about people who are not present with you guys.
Then, like 10 hours later, he sent me an e-mail: details about how the conversation went, how they have better things to do than talk about me (then why pass the words to begin with?), how he was just throwing jokes and that’s what friends do, and how he’s going to keep things strictly ‘professional.’
First, I don’t care about what went on at their drinking table.
Two, I don’t think we are friends.
Three, even if you thought it as a joke, if the person hearing it isn’t very pleased, that’s not a joke.
Four, “professional?” since when we are “professionals?” Are we in the same workplace? To my knowledge, we are full time students.
Five, if you want to apologize, drop all the bullsh*t and stick with your apology. No background, no explanation, no sh*t.
Lastly, why sending me all these details 10 hours later?
I guess this is what guys feel when a girl they dated once or twice send them some long, mad letter with all these details and BS. But hey, I gotta thank that he figured we are not BFF and how to leave me alone. If I were a few years younger, I would send some long reply. But as I age more, one of the life wisdom I realized is that it’s just not worth it. Some people just don’t understand no matter how hard you try to explain. If you see the sign, just walk away and leave it there. As the Beatles said, let it be.
Drama Kings are no better than Drama Queens. Boy I just can’t wait until the first year ends.