It has been a while since I last updated anything on this blog. Well, now’s the time.
1. Good-Bye, old community. You’ve changed.
I have been a member of certain on-line hobby community. For the first time, I made a few off-line local acquaintances there. Though I was not that deeply involved in the incident, and putting who’s right and wrong aside, what recently happened in that community totally put me off. The community’s purpose is to exchange information and share/discuss thoughts. Instead, the whole boards were covered with pointing fingers, namings, and dragging personal tweets, blog postings and some personal information. Maybe I am slightly stronger than average because of my “rough childhood,” some people were dwelling on it forever. All I want to do is share, discuss, and exchange info on something I like. Fortunately, I was not directly involved in any of this. But the whole incident and how it progressed (regressed?) really kicked my affection of that community away. So yes, I’m done with that.
Maybe I’m biased, but I’ve seen this happening too much in Korean communities. If there’s something right and wrong, than people who are directly involved need to take it away to somewhere and solve it, instead of spreading it to everywhere and bringing in some unnecessary stuff. If you are on the receiving side, you’ll probably have to bow down a bit, even if the giver is being an ass (note: not advocating the givers should behave like ass). If you want to talk about someone on his/her back, make sure it doesn’t leak. Do not think this person and that person have exactly same opinion just because they are connected. That is my explanation for why I always kept some distance from Korean group.
2. Marriage of Someone, and You Know All of Her Not-So-Bright Past.
Someone I know is getting married. Marza (alias) and I have known each other for a while. We went to same college. We were friends, and we had mutual friends from childhood. She turned into something we don’t want to keep close, so I don’t really call her as a friend anymore (I honestly think she needs to see psychiatrist). Her parents and my parents are still pretty close, and her parents are good people. I have a lot of story about her, but I’ll keep it short, taking only that is relevant to the marriage.
She was always involved in Korean community, far more than I did. I wasn’t involved in any of the Korean community in college (had some individual Korean friends, though). Soon, everyone knew how she was “weird,” “twisted,” “attention-freak,” and “slut.” She was sleeping around with EVERYONE. She had a ton of sex toys. While doing all of these, she had a boyfriend – whom she always bragged about how smart and successful, how they will be engaged soon and how she won’t have to work hard anymore. It turned out they weren’t in that passionate/stable relationship, and the boy was as strange as she is. She always tried to show off how American she is. In fact, she had far less American friends than I did. She lied to people around her a lot.
Her mom would call my home and complain about her own daughter. She never worked, except some part-time English teaching job. She’d complain how her family is “poor.” She asked my mom to find a matchmaker for her daughter, since she had no choice but to marry off. My mom introduced a matchmaker (also her friend) to Marza. The matchmaker said she can’t do anything for her – quoting from her, Marza was insincere and could not read air. She said she can’t risk losing clients and having a bad reputation because of her.
Somehow, Marza’s parents’ friend introduced this Korean doctor guy. Who knows what happened, but it seems like they hit it off. The guy is said to be of some rich family, and fond of expensive stuff…like Marza. But knowing her, and given the fact that he likes her, I think he’s from one of those families where they have $$$ but lacks quality.
Usually, when someone says they will get married – someone who is close to me – I am a bit concerned, wondering he/she met the right person and how they will maintain a stable life. Then I’m usually happy for them, especially I met them. For this, I feel relief – for her parents, not her. I wouldn’t be surprised if they file divorce few years later.
Now here’s the irony. Few years ago, I was the hermit with few friends. She went to ton of socials and knew everyone. Now her parents almost begged me to come to her wedding, saying none of her friends are coming. Maybe she didn’t invite them, because everyone knows her past and how crazy she is. If only I did not have any connection with her family, I wouldn’t go either. But I have to go. I am terrible at putting a PR face when I’m with someone I really don’t like (business incidents excluded). Usually, at friends’ wedding, I’d throw bad jokes and mess around with bride before the ceremony. I can visualize myself just seeing her, with a weak smile, and simply say “hey, congratulations.”